“Caught in the silence between what was and what’s next.”
Have you ever felt like you’re stuck in place while the world just keeps moving, fast, loud, and unforgiving? Like no matter how much you want to be present, to engage, to care, you just… can’t? Because life has hit you so hard, so many times, that now you’re mentally and emotionally paralyzed?
That’s where I am.
I’m not looking for pity. I’m not even sure I’m looking for answers. I’m just trying to put my thoughts into words, because silence is starting to feel heavier than the truth. And the truth is, I feel frozen. Like I’m watching everyone else chase goals, make plans, post smiles, and move on, while I’m here, stuck in a loop I didn’t ask for.
Maybe you’ve been here too. Maybe you are here now.
This isn’t a polished success story or a self-help listicle. It’s just real life, in the middle of the storm, without a neat bow on it. I’m writing from that place. And if you’re reading and this story feels familiar, this one’s for you.
My Overthinking Brain
Have you ever felt the world rush by like a freight train
while your soul stood frozen on the tracks?
Like your mind was racing,
but your feet were planted in wet cement,
unable to move, unable to breathe,
unable to feel anything but everything,
all at once?
That’s where I am.
Not lost.
Not broken.
Just… suspended.
Somewhere between too much and not enough.
My thoughts are loud but empty.
Nothing in particular…
but everything, somehow.
Temperance showed up to remind me:
Baby, you’re pouring too much of yourself out.
Trying to balance the chaos with more chaos
is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.
It’s time to breathe.
Not fixed.
Not chase.
Just breathe.
The Page of Cups whispered,
“Your heart’s still tender, still learning.”
And maybe that’s why it aches.
Not because I’m broken,
but because I feel deeply
sometimes too much.
And in this world,
that’s a blessing and a curse
wrapped in a pretty little box labeled “you’re too sensitive.”
The Empress stood tall beside me
and reminded me of my worth.
Of how often I mother others but forget to mother myself.
Of how even the strongest women need rest,
need softness,
need to be held, even if only by the silence
of the stillness.
Then came The Hanged One,
suspended like me,
caught between past and future,
hanging there in the now.
He didn’t fight it.
He just let it be.
And that…
That’s the lesson I’ve been too drained to hear.
Four of Wands brought me home.
Not to a house.
But to a feeling
stability, warmth,
a flicker of joy behind tired eyes.
Proof that I’m still here.
That love exists,
even when the noise tries to drown it out.
But oh, The Hermit…
He and I have become too close.
Retreating so far inward,
I forgot what sunlight feels like.
Forgot that lanterns were meant to guide,
Do not cage me in their dim glow.
And finally…
The Ten of Swords.
Sharp. Cold. Brutal truth.
I’ve hit my limit.
Mentally, emotionally, I’m spent.
But you know what?
There’s strange beauty in that ending.
Because the worst is over.
The knives are out.
The bleeding has stopped.
And now… I get to rise.
I’m not broken.
I’m just drained mentally and emotionally.
And I’m learning that it’s okay
to be still while the world keeps spinning.
To sit in the silence
and let the noise pass like a storm
I no longer have to dance in.
I don’t need to figure it all out today.
Maybe not even tomorrow.
Because peace doesn’t come
when the mind finally understands.
It comes
when the soul finally lets go.
By- Amanda Unfiltered